Being Seen

Last night I finished my last concert of the semester. December is always a tough month to get through with the amount of performances I do, but I’m used to it. I could complain about not being home at a decent hour over the last 12 days, but no, I know what I got myself into. I signed up for this…willingly.

Today I was talking with some students about the concert and they said a few things that stuck in my mind. A lot of it was talking about support and how they feel like they work hard to support the school but that the school doesn’t always show them the same amount of support in return. It’s an old topic that I know I’ve battled with often. Sports over Arts….we are just an “Encore” class….Not a requirement….No one sees what we can really do. I could easily get stuck in this negative loop for a while, but I’ve been there before and it’s a dark place I don’t want to visit. But I really felt for them. I know what it feels like to not be seen for what you can really do. To not be noticed even when you try as hard as you can to do the best that you can. To put a ridiculous amount of effort into something, to have people only notice a small fraction of what you do.

I think at some point, every person on this planet can relate to that.

But honestly, this is our norm. There’s no second chance for us. No time out. Heck, there isn’t even a bench to sit players who are struggling. Everyone is in- whether it’s a bad day or not. All really does mean ALL. Maybe that’s why I feel like what I teach is so damn special. It’s the ultimate sense of belonging and responsibility. YOU REALLY DO MATTER.

Going back to the conversation with the kids. They really were proud of themselves and they had a great performance. I didn’t want them to get stuck in that loop that I have found myself in over the last 18 years of teaching. So I told them what I think of when I get fixated on the idea that no one notices or cares about what I do.

“Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.”

David McCullough Jr.

I have a challenge every day. It’s to make music with a very diverse and often opinionated group of teenagers. Sure, I can tweet all day long about how great they are and about all the amazing things we can do in a classroom, on a field, in a gym, and on a stage – but what really matters is that I love what I do for the mere sake of doing it. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and there are so many times I want to quit – but I don’t. I can’t. I’m still chasing that thing….I don’t exactly know what it is at times, but its for me and only me and I’m not done chasing it.

So once again, back to my students. I know them pretty well, and I know they are struggling with so many things. A sense of belonging is definitely one of the big things. Yes, I do believe they feel a sense of belonging in band. There are a lot of opportunities for that. But what I worry most is how much they keep that feeling when they leave my classroom doors. Do they feel like they belong outside of the band room? Of that, I’m not so sure.

Every year I make a highlight video of all the things we did over the past season. It’s a great way to reflect, laugh, and just enjoy our accomplishments for a bit. “Beholding the view” so to speak. This year, I really tried to make it a point to show them not just what they were doing, but other people’s reactions to what they do. There’s a great moment where the band is playing in the hallways of the school and I could have easily kept the camera on them. Instead, (around 1:30) I moved it to the people watching them so my students could see that the school stopped and wanted to see them do what they do. That it’s hard to notice when you’re in the moment – but they really do matter.

Whether they caught that hint or not – I’m not sure. But I’m hoping for them it will be a nice reminder that they are seen and what they do… matters. As much as I can say I’m strong and do these things for just myself – sometimes its nice to just be seen every once in a while. To flip that, one thing I can definitely do for the people around me is to pick my head up and notice those around me a little bit more. It’s always nice to be seen.